Monthly Archives: June 2012

Least Appreciative Roommate

When a reader recently asked me which character I most enjoy writing, I realized it was a close call between Ellie Hatcher’s brother, Jess, and Samantha Kincaid’s French bulldog, Vinnie. I also realized for the first time that the two of them have a lot in common. They’re both cocky but loveable. They’re both clowns. They both climb on the furniture when they shouldn’t. They both manage to find soft, loving places in the sometimes dark lives of their caretakers.
What else do they have in common? What do you love/hate about them? And who is the least appreciative roommate? VOTE!

Alafair Burke’s Jess Hatcher

Alafair Burke’s Vinnie the Dog.

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ScoopGate 2012

As announced last week, I spent last Saturday in New York City’s Washington Square Park as the Guest Gelato Scooper for Otto Pizzeria (Mario Batali)’s GelOTTO cart.  Here’s the photographic evidence!


A sunny day in the park, making people happy with gelato, was a nice send off before book tour, but there probably was a reason I got fired from my one and only food service job back in Wichita.  (Take a closer look at that oozy scoop of strawberry planning its escape from the cup onto unsuspecting fingers.)  And although I will brag on my custom-made apron, I doubt I can make a living as an apron designer, so hopefully this book gig thing will keep working out.

You can help me stay in my profession of choice by ordering your copy of NEVER TELL, which hits stores — OMG!, tomorrow!  That means TODAY is the final day to place a pre-order and qualify for the Basket Full of Burke raffle.  Three lucky readers will win signed copies of all eight of my books!

Most Likely to Take Down a TSA Agent

While the Duffer Awards try to avoid repetition, this race was a real squeaker last year, coming down to the final minutes of voting. Dempsey v. Tunney. Florida v. FSU. Giants v. Patriots. Ali v. Frazier. Some rematches just need to happen. This is the Thrilla in Manila for the Duffer Awards. So in 2012, who’s most likely to take out a Take Down a Meddling TSA Agent: Rain or Heller? VOTE!

Joseph Finder’s Nick Heller.

Click here to find out more about Joseph Finder.

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Least Likely to Be Fazed by Autopsy of Disemboweled Body

Maura Isles is the reigning champ in this category, and she’s even got her own TV show to-boot. But what better challenger than relative newcomer Edward Jenner, star of the ITW nominated “A Hard Death,” whose author was once asked by an editor, “Must there be so many impalings?” The answer was yes. And, yes, these two put the “un” in unfazed, but who’s least likely to be fazed? Vote!

Tess Gerritsen’s Maura Isles

Click here to find out more about Tess Gerritsen.

Jonathan Hayes’s Edward Jenner.

Click here to find out more about Jonathan Hayes.

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Most Likely to Beat Judge Judy in a TV Ratings War

Judge Judy. Judge Wopner. Judge Joe Brown. Judge Greg Mathis. There are a lot of TV judge shows out there. Even Ed Koch got into the People’s Court action. So why not give NYC-based prosecutor Alex Cooper a shot at the televised bench? Or LA-based prosecutor Rachel Knight? They’re smart, tough, and, in my mind, telegenic. What would their courtroom demeanors be? What kinds of cases would they hear? And who’d stomp Judge Judy in the ratings? VOTE!

Linda Fairstein’s Alex Cooper

Click here to find out more about Linda Fairstein.

Marcia Clark’s Rachel Knight.

Click here to find out more about Marcia Clark.

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Best Pet

Spike the French Bulldog is a natural contender for this Duffer Award. Although he has moved on to the Rainbow Bridge, Spike saved Alex Delaware’s life more than once. But don’t write off Fireball Roberts. From the Last Good Kiss by James Crumley: “When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon.” So who’s the best pet? VOTE! (And bonus for the comments: Who are some of your other favorite literary pets?)

James Crumley’s Fireball Jones

Click here to find out more about James Crumley.

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I Got a New Job!

Anyone else remember those “I got eight jobs!” skits from the envelope-pushing televison show, In Living Color?  Well, between being Professor Burke and writing a book a year(ish), I probably don’t need another job, but it’s official: I got three jobs, mon, and one of them is Guest Gelato Scooper for Mario Batali’s GelOTTO cart.


This Saturday, June 16, from 12-2, the person behind that cart will be moi.  Why am I scooping gelato, you ask?  Some of you might know that I frequently write at New York City’s Otto Pizzeria.  I even have scenes set there (check out p. 162 of “212”); bar manager Dennis is a real guy!  With the NEVER TELL book tour starting Monday, I’ll be away from New York and homesick.  Spending a day in Washington Square Park, making people happy with gelato, seemed like a nice send off.  I’ll have some books to give away, so come early if you’re in New York!  Pictures to come 🙂

Coolest Girl or Boy Band Collaboration

While the Duffer Awards usually focus on series characters, some authors manage to create an entire cast of coolness. When I picture a girl-band of Megan Abbott’s creation, I imagine a new genre of “punk-adorable,” a noir mash up of Zooey Deschanel and Courtney Love. And a boy band from Elmore Leonard? I think Johnny Cash and Frank Sinatra would both approve. So whose people would make for the coolest musical collaboration? VOTE!

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Most Likely to Have Spilled Food on Her Clothing

When I first hatched a nutty idea to start a novel about a female prosecutor, I wanted her to be a fully realized character. I wanted each book to feel like a short visit from a longtime friend. I wanted her to be as good as women like Stephanie Plum and VI Warshawski. These two women don’t have much in common, but those of us who’ve known them all these years can testify that they’re not the daintiest of eaters. Who’s most likely to run around after the bad guys with spilled food on her clothing? VOTE!

Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum

Click here to find out more about Janet Evanovich.

Sara Paretsky’s VI Warshawski.

Click here to find out more about Sara Paretsky.

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